If you don’t fall in love at least once a day, you can’t be living in the same world as me. I see a beautiful woman passing in the street, or watch another getting on a bus, or notice a vision of loveliness browsing in a bookshop and Wham! I want to be part of her life. My ego evaporates. Everything I have achieved in my life is dross. Just to be close to this living, breathing, warm, god-like creature would be enough.
But what to do about it? Make a declaration of love in a shoe shop because the sales assistant is gorgeous? It might be worth a try. I couldn’t say because I’ve never had the nerve to try it. And yet, even if our advances are reciprocated and the chance encounter by the size 11 boot boxes becomes a dizzying affair, we surely cannot manage a string of lovers. Isn’t one passion consuming enough? Yes, but then we wake up the next day and start falling in love again.
So if, like me, you suffer from this affliction, here’s the solution: don’t trust yourself. Stop thinking of yourself as a lover in the land of lovers. Start noticing the attractiveness of inanimate objects and begin to collect them. Anything will do: tobacco tins, plastic submarines, cuddly toys, beer mats, reggae cassettes – the list is endless.
Take them home, place them neatly in your room and cherish them, safe in the knowledge that other humans are having to do the same thing all over the world.